I can already tell that this is going to be a long one. The maddening thing is that no matter how much I write, there is probably ten times more incredible/frustrating experiences that I've forgotten all about.
So, this was Christmas. This week, that is. Any semblance of order, logic, or caring about lessons for the month finally evaporated like so much steam in a Taiwanese hot spring (more on that later). Laura had already made a bunch of fun, easy, totally education-free lesson plans that involved learning Christmas songs like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and she was kind enough to give them to me. I took it a step further and removed even more education by having the kids watch the cartoons and then do coloring pages with Santa on them all week. It was really a delight. I can't believe I get paid for this job.
The other foreign staff and I spent the shortened week talking about our holiday plans, being jolly, and milling around. On Christmas Eve, our jovial loafing hit its ultimate peak when Leon, Zac, Laura and I made a pot of hot cocoa, found an unused classroom, and watched Home Alone all morning. The chairs were uncomfortable and our room was freezing, but the feeling inside of CIPP Classroom number 3 was nothing but holiday warmth and good cheer. I've probably watched this movie at least once a year every year of my life, or about 25 times at this point (yeah I even watched it as a baby, deal with it). To watch it in China, though, with a bunch of new friends in a weird little Chinese classroom in a country so far from my home made the entire experience completely new. It was like watching a foreign film in many ways. Seeing an "American Christmas", even a silly lampooning of one, really drew a circle around how strange and unfamiliar my experiences of the holidays in China have been. No snow here, folks. No candy canes, either. No warm fireplaces and no big family gatherings (I did here Feliz Navidad on the radio at Starbucks the other day, though. So: my 2014 Felix Navidad count is a solid-if-not-disappointing 1).
More readily apparently, the world portrayed in Home Alone does not exist anymore. I've spent quite a bit of time traveling since July, and airports just aren't like they are in Home Alone. No more running to catch your plane; you'd be shot if you tried something like that. The technologies used in the film, such as payphones and traveler's checks, seem antiquated in a way that is shocking considering it's only 25 years old this year. I saw something online the other day (on buzzfeed. *woof* Don't tell anyone I was there) that pointed out how the film doesn't even make sense in today's world. In 2014, the movie literally couldn't happen. With twitter and texting and e-tickets and wireless Internet, there's no way that the McAllister family would have overslept, nearly missed their flight, and abandoned their kid at home. Heck, even if they had abandoned him they could just have skyped with him every day until the mom was able to get home. For a movie that I have seen so many times, it was truly a brand new experience this time around.
One of the few actual activities that we participated in this week were the Santa races. Laura has been absolutely on point this month coming up with games, ideas, and lesson plans for the various classes. My personal favorite is the Santa races, though, and that's why I stole it and used it so much! The concept behind the game was rather simple. Divide the class into two teams, and then divide those teams further into two halves. Each time gets one Santa costume (read: a hat, a coat, and some pants). The goal of the race is to have one child put on the costume, run across the room to the other half of their team, take off the costume, and hand it off to the next kid. This process repeats until the entire team has done a run dressed as Santa.
The concept, while simple, is brilliant in that it allows for a lot of running and screaming and noise making, which the kids like. It also allows for a lot of competition, which everyone likes. Finally, it takes up like half a class period all by itself, which teacher Jon likes. I liked it so much, in fact, that I did it in more than one class this week. We also got the brilliant idea to face off our classes against each other. Laura and I squared our 1st graders against each other, while Zac, Leon, and I did a big 3-class race in the courtyard one afternoon.
The kids cheated, of course, but in the Christmas spirit of just letting things slide, we just let it all slide. Zac's class officially won the big 3-class clash, but all the kids had fun cheating and got candy in the end, and isn't that what Christmas is really all about?
We were delightfully surprised on Christmas Eve when Angel, our boss, invited the foreign teachers out to lunch. We piled into the car, driven by the professional driver whose English name is "Money Man", and went to a big Chinese banquet hall. We gathered around a big Chinese family-style table, the seven English teachers, Shubham's mother (who was visiting her for the holiday), Angel, the Vice Principal, and Money Man and his wife. A private room had been booked for us and our table, and I had a few flashbacks to back in July when Laura and I would eat lunch with the little students in Zhaoqing. This room was designed in much the same way, with the huge lazy Susan in the middle of the table, and the ornately designed table cloth, but unlike that restaurant back in July, this one seemed much more legitimate. It wasn't trying to be fancy and classy, it WAS fancy and classy.
What can I say about the meal? It was perfect. 99% of it was seafood, but that was fine by me. We had fried fish and baked fish, as well as a huge bowl of garlic snails. There was some of the biggest shrimp I have ever seen, as well as a plate of whole entire crabs. The crabs and the shrimp were pregnant, absolutely bursting from the insides with little orange fishy eggs. It was all delicious, and I enjoyed pretending I was some horrible monster as I destroyed the (already dead) creatures, leaving chinks of exoskeleton and legs in my wake. I felt like some shrimp's idea of a lovecraftian nightmare. I was the lovecraftian nightmare of a lovecraftian nightmare. At some point during the whole ordeal, while I literally sucking out the brains of some poor would-be-mother crab, I realized that I had stopped being hungry a good twenty minutes ago. How do Chinese people stay so skinny? Honestly.
The afternoon on Christmas Eve was primarily concerned with the big school-wide Christmas party. This played out almost exactly like Halloween: Nathan and Angel led a Big Brother-esque television broadcast that blared throughout the school at roughly the volume of something that makes one's ears shatter while the rest of us traipsed around the school in goofy costumes running into and out of classrooms to the fever-pitched screams of 9 year olds. The big twist this time around was that we were once again bedecked in our Santa outfits, and also that we had a formal gift exchange on television.
The principal of the school, one Mr. Zhou, and the 7 foreign teachers stood awkwardly in front of the camera and exchanged presents. First we presented him with a bottle of wine and he said "thank you", and then he gave us each a bag and we all said thank you in return. It was slow, awkward, and painfully self-aware. Angel narrated the whole thing in Chinese, and I can only assume that she was saying something along the lines of "This is exactly what happens in the west on Christmas. It looks just like this. See where Mr. Zhou handed Jon a bag? That's Christmas".
The presents were all very nice. Mr. Zhou (or more likely his assistant) got us each a nice thermos for tea or coffee as well as a huge box of Ferrero Rochet chocolates. We were actually legitimately impressed with the chocolates, as these are no small buy in China. FR brand candies are easily the most expensive chocolates in your average Chinese supermarket, and we each got our own box of nearly 30 of them.
Laura and I felt like doing some extra sucking up to our bosses, so we got Angel and Mr. Zhou each a nice box of Dove chocolate signed from just Laura and I alone. I hand wrote out the notes in some simple Chinese, and let me tell you: they were as proud as punch. I still can't speak Chinese for beans, but my ability to recognize sounds and characters from time to time has gotten me a lovely number of compliments. Day by day I am slowly climbing the social ladder at this school. I will be the king before too long, I promise you that much.
Our last day of work before the holiday came to a close and we strolled home, still bursting at the seams from lunch. I, being myself, was already looking forward to dinner. Many of the fancy hotels in the Foshan area do big Christmas buffets around this time of the year. They are pricey by Chinese standards, but the word around school was that they range between 100 and 200 CNY (which is less than $30). We decided to splurge a little bit and go for one of these meals since they are all-you-can eat and because it was Christmas of course! The weather has finally been cold enough that an occasion like Christmas Eve meant that I finally had an excuse to get dressed up nicely. I put on the nicest clothes that I brought to China and get ready to depart.
The Marco Polo was our destination, a 12 story building a few miles from our humble apartment. After a short but packed commute on the subway, we made our way up to the hotel. This was it! This was the big time. Laura and I felt like movie stars walking through the hotel. Cafe Marco? Oh yes this way, thank you. Our heads held high, we walked past posters of gorgeous lobster tails, succulent spare ribs, and cakes stacked high. We told the hostess we didn't have reservations, but she assured us that that was just fine. As we made our way to the table I caught a glance at a sign indicating the price of the dinner.
I did a double-take.
Something was wrong. Thinking it was better to be sure, I queried the server. "How much is this buffet?". "Only 600 CNY..." she said. Now, 300 CNY per person was a lot more than for what we initially bargained. Still, Laura and I shared a couple of almost-telegraphic looks and silently agreed that it was worth it. It was Christmas after all. "...per person", the waitress finished.
That's right, this buffet was over $100 USD PER PERSON. Thinking there was some mistake, I asked if there was a buffet anywhere in the hotel for 200 or even 300 per person. Was there a special cheapskate price that didn't include lobster or something? No, she assured me, the Marco Polo's Christmas buffet is 600 CNY, and always has been.
Laura and I immediately walked out. Not another word was spent. There was no way we could afford something like that! And even if we could, would we want to? As we puffed and sighed back to the elevator, we started rationalizing our disappointments. The food didn't look that good, and I bet the lobster wasn't even fresh. Did you see all the children in there? They surely would have been annoying. And the Christmas music! Way too loud. Oh well.
Still hungry, we moped our way over to the Paddy Field, the Irish pub that we frequent from time to time. They, as it so happened, also had a Christmas dinner special going on (with all you can drink mulled wine!). We tucked in joyously to some turkey, pumpkin soup, and some seriously rum-soaked Christmas pudding.
We ate outside, because even though it's chilly in China right now, it's still pretty darn pleasant most of the time. Lingnan Tiandi, where Paddy Field is located, is an outdoor western-style shopping district that is always absolutely packed. Chinese people love to walk around there because it's just so very different from all of the other shopping areas in the city. It honestly feels like downtown Royal Oak. I totally get the draw, and it's always a nice trip when we make our way out, but it made eating outside into a bit of a chaotic sloppy mess. Hundreds of people walked by, taking peeks and Laura, at me, and at our meals. A cute little baby blew me a kiss and it was undeniably adorable.
Full and ever-so-slightly more jolly than we were before, we waddled home back through the city and the metro system to our chocolate and candy filled apartment. We munched, we crunched, we packed our bags.
We packed our bags for Taiwan! Christmas morning at 11:30am was when our flight left from Guangzhou Baiyun Airport for beautiful, mountainous Taipei. The morning trip was largely uneventful. We woke up bright and early to the sound of my pollution app on my phone going off. Christmas Day in Foshan just so happened to be the most polluted day in the city of the year. It was really gross! We were happy to leave. The airport process was almost nearly painless, although Laura and I both accidentally brought things we weren't supposed to. I had packed my contact solution while Laura's purse had the fire starter kit that I bought her last Christmas. Both were confiscated and thrown away and we were appropriately bummed out.
I really don't like flying. I mean, nothing is going to stop me from doing it because I like to travel. But flying is the worst. I used to love it a lot, but now I can safely say that it's the worst. I know that it's safe, honest. I know that I'm much more likely to get hit by a bus than to have anything bad happen in an airplane. Hell I'm sure that goes double or triple while I'm in China! Nevertheless, I am never so keenly aware of my mortality, or of how I so routinely put it into the hands of strangers, as when I am on an airplane.
The flight, thankfully, was fine. I don't even think there was turbulence. We were served a light lunch (pork and rice, who'd have thought?), and a quick drink and that was it. It was probably the shortest flight of my life at just over 80 minutes. As we descended onto the island of Taiwan I got my first peak at my second Asian country. It didn't look too different, and frankly it looked a little dreary. It was raining in Taipei for Christmas.
Spoiler alert: it didn't stop.
Aside from a short reprieve on the 26th in the afternoon, it rained for three days straight. Coincidentally our entire holiday was three days straight. We were quite soggy by Sunday, let me tell you.
Immediately apparent, as soon as you leave your plane, is one of the key differences between China and Taiwan. In Taiwan people know how to queue. All the lines were orderly, polite, and logical. People stand on the right side of escalators and walk on the left side. There is no shoving. None. The people on the subway wait patiently for the people already on the train to exit before entering. The seats themselves are wider on the subway. All of Taiwan, in fact, is built for humans who are human-sized. I didn't feel like a hideously fat overly tall giant in Taiwan, like I am made to feel daily in China. Actually, I saw a ton of Taiwanese people who were wayyyy fatter than I am. Must be all the western food.
After a brief interlude in what was probably the nicest customs line I've ever been in, we caught a bus into the main part of the city. The airport is actually an hour away from Taipei proper, on the other side of some of the mountains. The ride was fantastic. After months and months of crowded, crappy, uncomfortable buses, the airport shuttle bus was a revelation. The seats were bigger, and cushioned! The air conditioning worked, and the bus was at a perfect temperature. Each seat had a TV in it, just like on the airplanes. The TVs had some interesting TV shows and also a number of strange animated PSAs.
Even more so than China, everything in Taiwan is animated. Most of the commercials, billboards, postings, et cetra. They are all full of animated ladies and gentlemen doing bizarre and confusing things.
The drive through the mountains into the city was beautiful. Even though it was raining, the vistas were really unforgettable. Spending times in cities where mountains are easily viewable are always very special for me. I am not sure where I'll end up settling down after all of this traveling I do, but I really would enjoy to live somewhere where I can see mountains. The hour flew by, and then after one quick subway ride and a brief hike away we arrived at the Ximen Zebra Apartments, our home away from home for the long weekend.
The Zebra Apartments were far from impressive. I am sure that it didn't help that everything was completely rain drenched and soggy upon arrival. Literally inside an alley that was inside another alley that was off of a side street, I only recognized the place from the garishly painted zebra print on the door. We checked in and paid our fee for the three nights and were given our room. Going contrary to expectations, our beds were decorated leopard print, while the walls were decorated with fake, peeling linoleum wood paneling. This lady clearly loves her large African mammals.
The room smelled mildewy, but it looked clean (don't worry, it was). The biggest and most wonderful surprise of them all was the bed. It was the softest bed I've ever laid on! The owner of Ximen Zebra deserves a damn medal for her beds. She clearly knows who her clientele is, and instead of trying to teach us silly westerners about how clearly superior sleeping on planks of wood and rocks is, she just ponied up and bought some legitimately comfortable beds. I slept like a baby every single night.
Despite the comfort the beds offered, I'm still really glad that we didn't spend too much time in the hostel if I'm being honest. One of the only other groups staying in the place over the weekend was a family of 5 Americans. Mom, dad, teenage sister, teenage brother, and a morbidly obese hyperactive 8 year old. This kid was like Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes mixed with Bart Simpson mixed with a box of donuts. He was the absolute worst thing about Asia in all of Asian history. I am not sure what this family was doing in Taipei. Were they on holiday? Was it a business trip and dad/mom decided to bring the whole famn damily? What was the deal here? Whatever their plans were, they clearly were weather contingent because I am pretty sure they never once left the hostel. Every single time Laura and I went back for the whole four days and three nights they were there causing a ruckus. I almost felt badly for them, but mostly I just felt badly for myself.
Okay, complaining DONE. Nevermind the last few paragraphs about rain and obnoxious tubby children. The whole trip was really quite amazing! Let me tell you all about it!!
The first evening we were there, after all the settling in and freshening up and whatnot, we explored the Ximending area. Ximending is a huge shopping zone that is popular with Taiwanese youths. It is also one of the oldest areas of Taipei, and has gone through several phases. It was sort of like Taipei's Broadway during the 1930s. During Japanese rule it was an entertainment and business area, and it actually still has a big Japanese influence today. It's big, loud, bright, and exciting.
Oh, and 7-11s. They're everywhere. Taipai city has the largest and most dense concentration of 24/7 convenience stores per capita in the world. There is at least one, and often three or four on every block. They're just like 7-11s in America, but they also have make-your-own hot-pot-style noodle bowls and gigantic steamed buns for sale. yumyumyumyumyum.
It was thrilling to walk around the Ximending area and to just take in the sights and the sounds (also the smells). Our hostel landlord lady gave us some umbrellas to borrow for the weekend, and we used them judiciously. There were so many bizarre and strange shops in the district that it would futile to try and name them all. One that will always stick out on my mind was a shop that would take a photo of any person and make a weirdly lifelike doll out of it for you. Basically if I had wanted, I could have them make a Jon doll and then send a Jon doll to every family member for Christmas. Maybe I did that, and maybe I didn't. You'll never know, but if you are my true friend you should receive one soon. I could see this taking a wrong turn very quickly of course. Photos of Joe Biden on a buxom lady doll, photos of war criminals on dolls, where does it end, you know?
Another shop sold penis shaped cakes called "Big Cock Cakes". I didn't try one, as they were a bit pricey.
Speaking of price, the pricing of everything was just about the same as China. This means that it was very cheap my American standards (most of our meals were less than $10 US altogether). But their currency and inflation rates are different, of course, so the numbers were a lot higher on everything. Also they use the ($) sign for their Taiwanese Dollars. It took a lot of getting used to when the price tags on things were $500 (about $15 US) or $1000 (about $30 US). It's nice to be able to travel really cheaply, and I'd definitely recommend coming out to Asia to anyone who can afford the plane ticket. That plane ticket to the other side of the planet is definitely expensive, and is a deal breaker for most people. Heck, if my school hadn't bought my ticket for me there's no way I'd be here right now. But once you are here everything else is pennies and nickles.
For dinner we went to Modern Toilet. I had heard about this place online and knew that we HAD to check it out. Taipei is known for it's love affair with themed restaurants. While I didn't get a chance to eat at any others, I came across a Barbi themed restaurant, a Hello Kitty themed restaurant, and a magician themed restaurant. There are also ones centered around concepts like "the hospital" (drinks are served in IV drips!), "airplanes", and "under the ocean". Probably my favorite themed restaurant that I read about is this place where the theme is the owner. The entire place is decorated ceiling to floor in literally thousands of pictures of the owner of the restaurant. Some of the pictures are of her with other people, but most are just of her face!
Modern Toilet is toilet themed. To be a lot more specific, it is poop themed. What an idea for a restaurant! I knew when I heard about it we had to go there. You are greeted when you walk in by a row of golden toilets. These are your seats while you wait for your table to be ready. after being taken upstairs you are led to your table. The tables are modified kitchen sinks and the seats are, you guessed it, toilets. The food is served in little toilet bowls, both western and Asian style. Drinks are served in urinals or in bed pans. The light fixtures are poo piles or plungers, and the walls are decorated with dancing poops and WORMS.
The cuisine is styled around food that is all very think, lumpy, brown, and creamy. Chunky stews and lots of curries. Every meal comes with a swirly scoop of chocolate ice cream served in a tiny little toilet after you finish your entree. This place was outrageous.
One thing I did not expect was just how tasty it was all going to be. Honestly, it was delicious. My chicken curry was good to the last bite, and the ice cream was the best (and only) soft serve I've had in nearly half a year. We also decided to spoil ourselves and get mozzarella sticks. This is something that just plain doesn't exist in China. They were crisp, hot, gooey, and mouth watering. I mean, this meal won't be featured on any Anthony Bourdain show any time soon, but it was a memorable and happy meal all the same.
The other people in the restaurant were all giddy, laughing, and having a good time. It's hard not to have a smile on your face when you're surrounded by happy dancing cartoon poops. The table next to ours was occupied by a Korean couple on their first holiday to Taiwan. The tables are all so close together that you can not help but to strike up a conversation. They had absolutely no Chinese skills, but their English was nearly as good as mine, so there were no chatting difficulties. Laura tells me that Christmas is the Korean Valentine's Day, which somehow makes their romantic poo date night even more hilarious.
Across the dining room I watched as another Asian-American couple received their order of shaved ice. They received an overflowing Chinese-style toilet bowl overflowing with ice, ice cream, marshmallows, and syrup. Roughly the size of Mt. St. Helens, the woman shrieked in sheer terror as she received it. "I had no idea it would be this big", she shouted, unable to contain her excited confusion. "This is far too big, I think we need help", her disarray apparently temporarily disabling her volume control. I was in a pretty good mood at this point and jokingly said "hey I'll help you".
She promptly asked for an extra spoon and invited me over.
I am not one to be rude, so I walked over and sat next to her boyfriend and had a few bites. The situation bordered on awkward, but we were all laughing too hard to let things slip into the full depths of discomfort. Staying polite I stopped after the first few bites and thanked them for their generosity.
Of one final lavatorial note, the actual lavatory in this WC-themed eatery was phenomenal. Stepping into the wash area was like stepping into the sci fi movie of my dreams, if the sci fi movie of my dreams was based in a bathroom.
The seats: heated
The flush: remote controlled
The bidet: built-in
This puppy had built in fans, odor eliminators, massagers, and more. I'm pretty sure this thing had a direct line to Barack Obama, Vladimir Putin, and Angela Merkel. The first manned mission to Mars will be based on technology developed in this otherwise unassuming looking bathroom in this otherwise unassuming looking alley on this tiny island in Asia. I never wanted to leave. Alas, a line was forming, so I gave her one last flush and moved on with my life.
I know that we had literally just eaten, but I was in a new city and 90% of my travel aspirations are food-based. Taipei is known for its night markets, perhaps more than any other culturally Chinese city. It was getting on passed 9 O'Clock, and even though it was still steadily drizzling we made our way to Snake Alley.
Snake Alley is the most famous, and infamous, night market in the city. It is the oldest tourist destination, and culturally very important to the people. In fact, the Taipei government chose Snake Alley as its first official Historically Significant protected site back in 1987.
Why is it called snake alley? Well, primarily because of the snakes. Back in the day almost all of the shops and stands in the area sold snake-based goods. Blood, liver, bones, skins, etc. You could buy a snake purse or eat some snake hearts. Snake Alley's moniker is also related to the sad, dark history of it being the center for child prostitution in the days of old. Fortunately the government, in conjunction with them recognizing the importance of the place, cracked down on crime and solicitation in the alley in the 80s and 90s. I am happy to say that there was nothing untoward going on during any of my many visits to Snake Alley this week.
There also, unfortunately, wasn't that much snake either. While there were plenty of restaurants and food stands selling all kinds of seafood treats, I traveled the entire length of the place twice before I was able to locate one of only two restaurants that still sell the food that gives the alley its namesake.
I knew I was in the right place when I saw all the snakes, appropriately enough. The storefront to this otherwise unremarkable restaurant was full of fish tanks, and the fish tanks were full of snakes. Small snakes, big snakes, even a monstrous albino python. I knew that I had arrived.
Still full, and maybe slightly nervous, I sat down and signaled to the waitress. She brought over "the menu", if it can be called that. A tiny slip of paper with five items on it. No pictures and certainly no English, my rudimentary Chinese was luckily good enough to make out what my options were.
-Snake drink
-Snake soup
-Fried snake
-Baked snake
-Three snake special
Everything was a lot more pricey than I imagined, and I wasn't even that hungry. Nevertheless, Snake Alley was one of THE reasons I wanted to come to this city on my holiday, so I hunkered down. I ordered the drink, the soup, and the fried snake.
The drink round was three shots of alcohol, each made with some snake bits. The first shot was the snake vodka that I had already tried back in Foshan a few months ago. It's made by fermenting a whole snake in a bottle of grain alcohol. This tasted, like the shot in Foshan, pretty bad. The second shot was snake bile, diluted with some vodka. This was also kind of bad. The final shot was snake blood, also slightly diluted with vodka. This was... actually pretty good. The blood gave the vodka a smoother taste, and it was very drinkable. I'm not sure I'd drink a whole bottle of it, but it was definitely the best of the three.
Also, for some reason that I'll never quite know, the snake blood shot came with a pill in it. What sort of pill was it? Was it placed there on purpose or did Grandma Zhang accidentally drop her liver pills in there while walking over to me? I have no clue, but I fished the pill out just in case.
I'll drink snake bile, but mystery pills are another story.
At any rate, the food was all quite good. I was disappointed though, because I thought this lady was going to let me pick out my fresh snake myself. Instead, once I had placed my order, she walked over to the freezer and unceremoniously dragged out a grocery back full of already chopped up snake bits. LAME. The fried snake was excellent, though. I'd eat that stuff every day if I could. It wasn't breaded, so there was still plenty of snaky flavor. If you have ever eaten alligator, snake tastes a bit like that. It's a cheap cop out to say that foods "taste like chicken", but if I'm being honest the snake was definitely in the same ballpark. Think of a game-y sort of bird flavor with a sort of smokey aftertaste and you're getting close to fried snake.
The soup was also excellent, and was, sorry for the cop out again, reminiscent of chicken soup. There were some chunks of boiled snake in the soup, which allowed me to get a more unadorned taste of the meat. This was also very nice, but it was SO BONY. You think fish have a lot of bones, then stay away from snake. A snake is, after all, essentially just a living rib cage with a head. Every tiny bite was followed by me spitting out about 10 thin rib bones onto my plate. It took forever to eat because I had a vested interest in not choking or dying. Overall the experience was really positive. It was a lot more expensive than I would have liked, especially for the amount of food I had gotten, but if metro Detroit ever opens a snake joint you can bet I'll be the first in line.
Thus ended our first day in Taiwan.
Day two was so chock-full of stuff that I'm still not sure how we managed to do it all. We got up bright and early and took a subway out into the mountains to a provincial town called Beitou. Beitou is known for one thing: its hot springs. The Japanese loved the hot springs so much that when the took over Taiwan by force it was one of the first things that they took completely for themselves. Nowadays the mountains are full of luxurious resort hotels that you can rent by the hour and take private baths in the "restorative" hot waters. The springs are hot because of the enormous levels of sulfur that are found naturally in the mountains. The source of the springs, known as the hot spring valley, was a hellish and beautiful place to visit. The smell of sulfur so strong that it made your eyes water. After hiking around the gorgeous area for about an hour we decided to take a dip.
Now, obviously, I'm not made of money. I couldn't afford a swanky private room to bathe in. But that's okay, because I prefer to experience "the real" places when I go to them. So, Laura and I settled for the public hot springs. The entry fee to the public dipping area was an incredible $40 NTD (About $1.30). The facilities were surprisingly nice and clean, and boy were they authentic. Apparently this is where all the retired Taiwanese citizens spend all day every day. There were about 200 90 year old Chinese people, and then Laura and I.
Everyone was very nice and welcoming though, and we quickly tried out a few pools. The public springs had two cold water pools, and then three hot pools, each increasing in their temperature. The second hottest pool was so hot that we were only able to stay in it for about 5 minutes. I can't imagine how hot the hottest pool was, nor can I wrap my head around how all these frail looking geriatrics were floating in there like it was no big deal.
The water still smelled of sulfur, and was a little bit murky, but otherwise the experience was very nice. I felt very attuned to Chinese culture in those pools, and I could tell that I was taking part in something that people had been doing for hundreds of years. Aside from the rather modern looking shower stalls for rinsing and changing, everything in the place was decidedly old school. In fact, the way that they "regulate" the temperatures of the pools is just by waterfall. The hottest pools are closest to the source of the spring, and the coldest pools are just the farthest away, having to travel farther and being cooled down longer. We soaked for about 40 minutes, having definitely gotten our $1 worth, then we toweled off and changed and were on our way.
The next stop was on the opposite side of the entire city. Taipei zoo. Now, I love animals, and even though I am conflicted about animals in captivity, I also recognize the importance of zoos in education and conservation of those animals. Plus I love looking at and spending time with critters, so the Zoo was a no brainer. The Taipei zoo has the distinction of being the biggest zoo in Asia, and it too was a delightfully cheap $2 USD to get in. The zoo was much less impressive than the Chimelong Safari Park in Guangzhou, but at $2 it really can't be beat. Plus they had a number of animals that I've never seen in real life before. On that day I get the chance to see a Tapir and a Pengolin! In fact, this zoo is one of the only zoos in the world to have a Pengolin. There was another panda of course, and she was a delight to see.
The other highlight of the Taipei zoo was the bug house. I've always wondered why more zoos don't have bugs. Perhaps the average person just isn't interested in insects, but I feel like a zoo is the perfect place to educate about the importance, the wonder, and the beauty of the six legged persuasion. The insect house was really awesome, even though it was smaller than I had hoped. They had a fantastic collection of stick insects, as well as a number of Taiwanese native species of butterfly and beetle. Stick bugs are so cool! Laura and I enjoyed playing "look and find" with the stick bugs, and some of them were absolutely ingeniously hidden.
After the zoo we took a short stroll back to the Metro station and bought a ticket for the gondola ride. The southernmost tip of the Metro system, which is where the zoo is, touches the very feet of the Maokong mountains. These mountains have a long history of being tea plantations, being one of the world's largest producers of oolong tea, and there are still many farms and businesses, as well as temples and other sites of import up in their storied peaks. The Metro system extends into the mountains for three additional stops beyond the zoo, but the stops must be traversed via high-hanging gondolas as opposed to underground trains.
The gondola rides are a pleasant 30-40 minutes each way, and the views are spectacular. Hundreds of feet above the treetops, you can see the entire mountain range, as well as downtown Taipei off into the distance. We opted for a "Crystal car", which was the same price as the other gondolas, but featured a glass bottom that let you view the trees whizzing by several hundred yards below your feet. Even from this distance, Taipei 101 stands clearly and proudly, head and shoulders above the rest of the skyline. The rain and clouds did not hinder the view too much, and the gondola ride was probably the most breath-taking experience of the trip.
From the mountain top we took a short, wet hike around the surrounding area. We found some tea plantations and marveled at the staggered terraces where the plants are grown. This was perhaps the quietest part of our weekend, as we quickly found ourselves alone on a winding mountain road. We watched the sun set from atop the Maokong, and made our way back to the gondola station in the dark. We peeked into a few tea houses, but were shocked at the offensively high prices. This is definitely a tourist site, and the tea growers and tea sellers were clearly aware of that.
We had dinner plans back down in the city, but we couldn't help ourselves when we saw a tent selling snacks (or 小吃, literally "small food") just a small distance from the station. We wandered over and enjoyed an affordable priced hot green tea latte and a "bomb pancake", which was a deep fried pancake wrapped around a deep fried egg and slathered in hot sauces. MY GOD IT WAS GOOD.
Temporarily sated, we took a trip down the mountain in almost total darkness. We shared the car with a group of 3 Chinese people, one of whom sounded exactly like a Taiwanese James Earl Jones. I'll admit that I briefly fell asleep listening to his dulcet tones as the gondola slowly rocked back and forth on that trip down the mountain.
Dinner was at Whalens, near the business district downtown. Whalens is owned and operated by a Canadian man, and is almost assuredly the only Poutinery in all of Asia. When I heard about this place, I knew I was destined to have dinner there. I know that I'll probably only be in Asia once in my life, and that I should really be taking advantage of the cheap and delicious Chinese food at my feet at all times, but sometimes you just need some gravy and cheese curd covered french fries, you know? The meal was, in a word, perfect. If you're ever in the neighborhood and craving Poutine, Whalens can help you out.
From there it was only a short walk down to Taipei 101. We did not bother going to the top of the building, as it was dark, cloudy, and rainy and the view would have been no good. The price, too, was insane. But I do not feel like we missed out on anything. The building is so incomprehensibly big and tall that you can easily spend 40 minutes just walking around the outside and looking up. How can something that big not just fall over? How can it reach so high into the sky? The architecture of the building is unique and it is beautiful, it is truly an achievement. Even though it's just a big corporate spire, designed to make money, I choose to view it as a wonderful example of stretching the very possibilities of what humans can do.
We were exhausted at this point. Our dogs were barking. Ours calves were mooing. But we weren't quite done yet. We took one last trip back to the night markets in search of the strange and the wonderful. Taiwan is known for a few specialty dishes, and I wanted to scratch them all off of my imaginary check list.
First up: stinky tofu. This is literally its name in Chinese (臭豆腐). It's "stinky" because it is rotten, fermented, and putrefied. They take these rotten little tofu chunks and deep fry them and throw some soy sauce on there. I wish I could photograph the smell. I wish I could bottle it and show it to other people. It's unbelievable. To say that it is "stinky" is to say that the Pacific ocean is a bit deep. It is to say that the distance to Mars is a bit of a hike.
You can smell it from at least 30 yards away. I had been smelling it intermittently all weekend. I also think I've smelled it in China. Before I bought a box of the stuff, I had assumed that that smell was a garbage pile or maybe a dead animal somewhere. Nope. It's the tofu.
It sort of smells like hot burning garbage, and also a bag of dog poop on fire. But it is also sour somehow. It is positively eye-watering.
The most upsetting thing is how quickly you get used to it. In fact, once I had ordered it for myself and taken my first bite, I really didn't mind the odor. By the end of the weekend, I was so used to it that I almost started to like it.
The tofu itself was alright. Somewhat unremarkable, really. It tasted just like normal tofu (e.g. flavorless), and even though it reeked to high heaven, the odor did not affect the taste as much as you would imagine. The sauce that came with it was truly its saving grace, adding a little bit of depth of flavor. I'd get it again.
The other "must have nightmarket food" in Taiwan is an Oyster Omelet. This is exactly what it sounds like, and tastes exactly like you'd imagine. This was absolutely mouth-wateringly delicious. At $2 US it was a total bargain. The oyster and egg flavors melded together really well, and the brown sauce that goes on top was sweet and savory. This food is the kind that really needs to be shared with the world. I sadly only had one of these eggy treats while in Taipei. I try to live life without any food regrets, but only getting a single oyster omelet may be my biggest ever.
Saturday in Taipei was the heaviest rain day yet. We decided to spend the day indoors at the National Palace Museum. But first, we popped into Longshan Temple. Longshan is one of the oldest and most important temples in the city. Like the Snake Alley, it is an official and protected historical landmark in the Taipei. To be honest it was a lot like the temples I've been to in China. They seem like they are better cared for in Taiwan though. The gorgeous sculpture-filled rooftops all seem brighter, shinier, and more vibrant here. It's as if they were all given a fresh coat of paint just last week. Temples in China and Taiwan are all kind of the same inside, and yet I love when I get the chance to go in one. They are so quiet and serene. The heady smell of incense fills the air and makes the whole experience ethereal. I'm not religious, but I always feel at peace and as if I am part of a larger whole when I'm in a temple.
Oh well, moving on.
The National Palace Museum is the largest collection of Chinese artifacts in the world. When Chiang Kai Shek knew that he was losing the Chinese civil war to Mao, he fled to Taiwan and set up the Republic of China. He also took with him several hundreds of thousands of ancient Chinese artifacts with him, things that now make up the bulk of the collection here.
It's a good thing he took them too, because Mao's cultural revolution saw the destruction of a heart-breakingly large number of artifacts and important antiquities in the mainland. Chiang Kai-Shek's nearly last minute decision saved so many priceless and irreplaceable things that the world is now able to enjoy. The NPM's collection features nearly 700,000 items and artifacts from 8,000 years of Chinese history, some dated as old as 6,000 BC.
I won't belabor the explanation of the museum too much. It was incredible. We spent 4-5 hours there and could have easily spent even more time. The stuff we saw in there was indeed priceless. Bronze weapons, jade sculptures, ancient books and handwritten letters. Gold, silver, jasper, and stone. The museum seemed like a never ending journey into the past. It was exhausting, but it is easy to see why the Museum is considered the crowned jewel of Taiwan's assets.
The most popular item in the collection is a piece of jade carved to look like Bok Choy, or Chinese Cabbage. The entire museum has 30 different gallery rooms, each with hundreds or thousands of items on display, and yet the Jadeite Cabbage gets its own gallery room. This room,, with only one piece of art in it, had a line to get in and see it. The line was easily a 1-2 hour wait, and it wrapped around the entire top floor of the museum, down the stair case, and onto the second floor.
The cabbage (seen here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jadeite_Cabbage) is clearly beautiful, but I just don't get it. Several days later, I still don't get it. What is Taiwan's obsession with this thing? It's intricate and looks remarkably like a real piece of vegetable, but... I just don't get it.
On the way to the museum we had to take a city bus from the subway. The museum's official website said that only the R30 bus goes to the museum, and so that's what I was looking for. At the bus stop there was a bus with a guy shouting "MUSEUM" in broken English and pointing to a sign that said "National Palace" on it. Laura and I hopped on without a second thought, and it was only once the bus was underway that I saw we were on a differently numbered bus. Uh oh, I thought to myself. I hope this isn't some sort of weird bus scam. What if this guy takes us somewhere far away and extorts money from us? Luckily there were a good 60 other people on the bus and they didn't seem concerned. In the end it turned out to be alright.
After spending literally all day at the palace museum, we took the bus and the subway back home, stopping for a stroll through a book store and a quick bite to eat. Braving the never-ending torrent of rain we spent the evening strolling through the Ximending Shopping area again, and tried some free samples of Pineapple cakes, another Taiwan specialty. These were nice and light and tasty. We also tried some flat fried chicken, which is a huge chunk of chicken breasted flattened with a hammer and then deep fried.
Basically we just ate a lot of weird stuff on this trip.
Our last day was, you guessed it, rainy. We didn't have a lot of time left before we had to go to the airport, but we took a quick trip to the Chiang Kai Shek memorial hall.
I'm so glad we did. Designed to look like the Lincoln Memorial in Washington DC, this big open mall (not the shopping kind) was stunning. One more stunning site before we left the country. Full of big classical Chinese buildings, fountains, and gardens. I wished that I could have spent hours there, but the 50 or so minutes we had there was enough. It was a great way to end the trip before the slow bus, train, plane, subway, and bus ride back to our apartment.
There was a few minutes of sheer terror in the train station when I got lost. After a whole weekend of marveling how well designed and easy to navigate the city was, Laura and I got completely turned around in the underground mall of the train station. This place is HUGE. It was a train station, a bus station, a subway station, and a shopping mall all in one labyrinth-esque nightmare. We found our way though and managed to get to our flight.
I checked twitter really quickly before boarding the plane and learned of the Air Asia flight which went missing over Asia just a few hours before. Great, just what I needed to hear.
Also, on the subway ride home a man had an epileptic seizure. I've never seen one of those before. It was frightening and unpredictable. He was carted away by two of the employees of the subway system. I hope he's okay wherever he is.
Nonetheless it was a quick and safe flight, and before we knew it we were back in our apartment doing laundry, shivering, and feeling like this whole wondrous trip was just a dream...
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